Funnies

As finals approach, the profs are getting crazier and crazier...

Exercise intolerance in a cat. What an oxymoron.

It's no fun drowning in your own fluids. Find another way to die. There are plenty of them out there.

Your heart can't get larger forever. It's limited by your chest wall. Haven't you all seen Alien?

When a pig takes a dump, if you will...

Vegetarian owners that feed their cats vegetarian diets...just shoot 'em.

Some are very very dead, some are very very healthy.

All they knew was that I went to slaughterhouses and collected chicken s**t. Or I stuck my arm in the cows and went, "Mmmhmm. Fifty bucks."

Puppy!

This is the dog we anesthetized in lab. Pretty much the sweetest dog ever. Seriously, his tail was wagging so hard when we tried to put in a catheter than he knocked all of our supplies off of the table. When we turned off the anesthesia machine, his tail was wagging as soon as his eyes opened. I wish I could adopt him!

Cardio

This was just WAY too out of control.

From our equine medicine syllabus, chapter on cardiology: "There are no known drugs that increase skeletal muscle contractility. Spinach is the only make-believe agent able to do this. Kryptonite is a make-believe example of a skeletal muscle negative intropic agent fur Superman."

Also, we anesthetized our first dog today. And it woke up afterwards. Success!!

Wow. A month.

Hard to believe. A few quick updates:
-I'm half way to my fundraising goal for Turkey! Thanks everyone!
-I got hired as a C Barn nurse (food animal barn) for next year. I'll still be working as a B barn nurse too (horse barn).
-Drove out to see Tyrone Wells in SF (also got to see Mark (buddy from high school) play drums for him).
-I've consumed a RIDICULOUS amount of Diet Coke. Some people drink coffee, I drink Diet Coke. Yum. Also eating a lot of yogurt (+ frozen fruit and granola...the frozen fruit acts like ice cubes and keeps it cold, plus it's ultra tasty!).
-3 more weeks of classes, then finals week of doom, then I'm half way finished with vet school!
-Summer: home for a week-ish, month in Turkey, month-ish in Visalia (yeehaw!), Annie's wedding, start third year of school.

Quotes:
There is diarrhea of every orifice. What would diarrhea of the skin look like?" -FA med
It sounded like the Count on sesame Street...prototheca...ah ah ah!"-FA med
To get into the party you have to have an LDA"-clin path
They put Ernie in the endotracheal tube. They were lucky Ernie didn't end up in the horse's airway.-eq med
When death is the alternative, there are no rules. -eq med
If it looks like a duck and fights like a duck, it's probably a duck. -eq med
You may get the fracture fixed but the leg is going to fall off afterwards.-anesth
It's one of my talents. I've always been able to sing heart sounds.-eq/SA med
TFMA. Too something much anesthetic. -anesthesia
The four F's: food, fight, flight and reproduction. -neuro
Sinus tachycardia. I had that on the elliptical this morning. -eq med
If you stop these beats, they stop forever. And you know about forever. -eq med

student: How small of a dog you can put a pacemaker in?
prof: A couple grams.
student: What?
prof: Oh, uh, yeah we've put them in mosquitoes. Bzzzzzz.

Being a boxer, he'll jump back up and go "(shakes head) Whoa! That was cool. Can't hardly wait for the next one." -eq/SA med

Obviously when you "thump" things you cause a little consternation. -eq med